Ode to Mother’s Day

50 Ways to Please your Mother
Anne Miranda

The day is coming, and it’s coming right away.
You’d better go get a gift, yeah…shop for it today.
Pay close attention to the words I have to say.
There must be fifty ways to please your mother.
Your mom expects that you will give her gift some thought.
Just be sure…
it isn’t stupid junk that you ran out and bought.
If you bring her nothing, man…she’s bound to be distraught.
There must be fifty ways to please your mother…
Fifty ways to please your mother…

Just, cut her some slack, Jack
Make it by hand, Stan
She don’t need new toy, Roy
How thick can you be?
Make a big fuss, Gus
You don’t need to shell out much.
Think where you should be, Lee
Now make yourself free!

If you don’t treat her well, she’ll be in so much such pain.
You’ll have to…work like crazy-just to make her smile again.
There’s no excuse, my boy…and there’s no way to explain!
…cause there are fifty ways!

I say, why don’t you try to plan things out tonight.
Get yourself up in morning and take mom out for a bite.
Just go see her…yes, do anything to treat your mother right.
There must be fifty ways to please your mother…
Fifty ways to please your mother…

Just cut her some slack, Jack
Make it by hand, Stan
She don’t need new toy, Roy
How thick can you be?
Make a big fuss, Gus
You don’t need to shell out much
Think where you should be, Lee
Now, get yourself free!

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Back to Work

In an effort to jumpstart my career, I’ve republished a book on CreateSpace. It took my designer/illustrator son and I many long hours to figure out how to format the file properly.  CreateSpace and Kindle have made big strides in the last two years to make it easier for people to publish their own work.  I absolutely will do this again, now that we have the hang of it!

The book, Alphabet Fiesta, is a bilingual alphabet book for pre-school to grade 1.  It will we ready for purchase in a day or two.  I will post a link when it’s ready.  The art was done by little children…it’s really cute.

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Big 2 Day Sale

2 days only! 50% off all white t-shirts! | USE CODE: HOLIDAYTEE50
Check out some of the designs on my ZAZZLE shop.  GREAT offer.  Do your Christmas shopping early….get an Anne Miranda original half price!  Sale on WHITE SHIRTS only…check it out!
Here are links to my stores:
http://www.zazzle.com/barbeeanne*    for barbershop and music
http://www.zazzle.com/opionionated*   humor and  geek gear
http://www.zazzle.com/bostonrookie*   sports, animals, and assorted silliness
http://www.zazzle.com/kiddiekorner*    Kid stuff and Halloween
take_meow2all_about_that_bass_e_mc2_catonese architect_shirt-r967ec7ba38df47fdbfdbaecec24c49fb_804gy_512 doodle daddy  genetic_engineering_ heck_yeah_tshirts-rdf3eacedb382401185e3c7be741f314b_vfbka_512 i_love_barbershop_or_whatever_ pie2 pirate_in_training_tees-r866e8781f60745b0a6ac9708c35f2c6d_wio57_512 shirt1 shirt3 shirt4 shirt8 shirt7 shirt5 shirt15 shirt13 shirt14 strongforth wet my plantspunshirt10shirt11

Bear Math

This is an old poem I wrote for a math program years ago.  It was never included in the program…so I thought I would share it with the world…so to speak.

Bear Math  *copyright Anne Miranda

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a farmer,bearanne (2)

Fuzzy was a bear bee charmer.

Fuzzy Wuzzy’s bees gave honey,

which he sold to make some money.

He charged a nickel for each jar,

and buyers came from near and far.

In came Jack and Jenny rabbit.

to get two jars, which was their habit.

Jack gave Fuzzy seven pennies,

plus the six cents that were Jenny’s.

Fuzzy Wuzzy bear could count.

He saw it was the wrong amount.

Fuzzy Wuzzy looked at Jack,

and gave the pair two pennies back.

Jack and Jenny smiled because,

of just how clever Fuzzy was!

The pair of honey-loving bunnies,

took their change and jars of honey.

With a wink they gave a hop,

thanked the bear and left his shop.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,

that treated honey-buyers fair.

And so his honey business grew,

for 6 + 7 – 2.

Can’t Touch This

I love song parodies…and stumbled across this one in my files.  I absolutely fry at the beach…and this was written from my experience as a burner.  Sing this to MC Hammer’s 1990 hit…Can’t Touch This!

Can’t Touch This
by Ima Burner

I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this

My, my, my skin tone is so fair, I got a sunburn in my hair.

It’s red and hurts like a bitch!
Then it will peel and start to itch.
Feels good, if I lie in the sack with some super big ice packs on my back.
But, now, I can’t do much,
Cause this is a burn, I can’t touch!

I’m frying girlfriend (I can’t touch this)
Yeah, that’s why I’m sizzling and you know (I can’t touch this)
Look at my eyes, babe (I can’t touch this)
Yo, let me find some shade. (I can’t touch this)

You go and have your fun.  I’ll go outside when there’s no sun.
At night, when the stars all shine,
is when I’ll go out for my beach time!

Til then, I’ll just sit here, covered in a muumuu drinking a beer.

It sucks, I can’t do much,
Cause this is a burn, I can’t touch!
sunburn_woman
Break it down!  Stop, Freckle Time!
I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this
I can’t touch this